Tuesday, October 19, 2010
College.
Hello, so it's been about a year and half since I have posted on this blog. I tried forever to find it and finally got here. I guess I was looking for a little inspiration. I have started college now as a freshman and have found that the stressers of body image is coming back. I'm hoping to lose weight and finding it very hard to do considering how much alcohol is consumed from wednesday-saturday everyweek. Anyone have this problem? I need to find a way to balance this.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
A New Era.
This is my first post and im so excited to begin blogging!! Although i hope i get a few comments, i need as much motivation as I can get! I hope to start following other pro-ana blogs so if anyone happens to be reading this, pleasee post your link!
I guess I'll begin my posting by telling you a little bit about my journey with eating disorders. I guess i have always had a low self esteem and i begin dieting the summer into my freshman year of high school. I begin eating healthy and became very fit (although,i was at a normal weight to begin with). I gained all the weight back during winter and then restarted my dieting spring of sophmore year. By summer going into junior year i had lost 23 pounds (at my lowest, I'm 5'8" and was 113). I loved it. My shoulder blades stuck out, my ribs became exposed, and everyone commented on how thin i looked. I never felt so good in my life. Unfortunatly my obbsession with losing weight and calorie-restricting caused me to pick up the gradual binge&purge occurrence. This led me to become full blown bulimic. After a night at a party & an excessive amount of vodka my friends confronted me about my weight and i told them about my recent discovery of bulimia. Fuck. At the beginning of junior year my "friends" decided to skip the part where they talk to me sober about my ED and asked the school counselor for
advisory. The counselor forced them to tell them who had bulimia and so i found myself sitting in the counselors office that day. They told my parents and after admitting that my period had now stopped for almost a year the counselor contactdd my father abiut Ed centers or recovery places. I dont really know.This basically is what triggered the bulimia at its worst. I became very angry and isolated from my friends for doing this to me ad quickly fell into depression. My dad began to watch me to make sure i ate and that set off even more bp cycles. I gained back all my weight all the way up to 135. I am fucking huge and am so fed up with mia. I want to be thin again and stop bingeing!!
Anyways, today was my first day i can actually say i did sort of well. After a failed attempt to begin my water fast yesterday i tried to begin today. By 3pm i felt extremely hungry and ate a banana. I was so mad And guilty that it went into a full out binge, immediatly i regained my focus threw it all up within 15 minutes. I drank nothing but water for the rest of the night except for 2 pieces of gum (6 cal).
I know that the motivation from these pro-thin blogs will get me through my 5 day water fast i am beginning tomorrow! Wish me luck! (if anyone is reading this)
I guess I'll begin my posting by telling you a little bit about my journey with eating disorders. I guess i have always had a low self esteem and i begin dieting the summer into my freshman year of high school. I begin eating healthy and became very fit (although,i was at a normal weight to begin with). I gained all the weight back during winter and then restarted my dieting spring of sophmore year. By summer going into junior year i had lost 23 pounds (at my lowest, I'm 5'8" and was 113). I loved it. My shoulder blades stuck out, my ribs became exposed, and everyone commented on how thin i looked. I never felt so good in my life. Unfortunatly my obbsession with losing weight and calorie-restricting caused me to pick up the gradual binge&purge occurrence. This led me to become full blown bulimic. After a night at a party & an excessive amount of vodka my friends confronted me about my weight and i told them about my recent discovery of bulimia. Fuck. At the beginning of junior year my "friends" decided to skip the part where they talk to me sober about my ED and asked the school counselor for
advisory. The counselor forced them to tell them who had bulimia and so i found myself sitting in the counselors office that day. They told my parents and after admitting that my period had now stopped for almost a year the counselor contactdd my father abiut Ed centers or recovery places. I dont really know.This basically is what triggered the bulimia at its worst. I became very angry and isolated from my friends for doing this to me ad quickly fell into depression. My dad began to watch me to make sure i ate and that set off even more bp cycles. I gained back all my weight all the way up to 135. I am fucking huge and am so fed up with mia. I want to be thin again and stop bingeing!!
Anyways, today was my first day i can actually say i did sort of well. After a failed attempt to begin my water fast yesterday i tried to begin today. By 3pm i felt extremely hungry and ate a banana. I was so mad And guilty that it went into a full out binge, immediatly i regained my focus threw it all up within 15 minutes. I drank nothing but water for the rest of the night except for 2 pieces of gum (6 cal).
I know that the motivation from these pro-thin blogs will get me through my 5 day water fast i am beginning tomorrow! Wish me luck! (if anyone is reading this)
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